I am working on being a better Christian and actually keeping my mouth shut when I have nothing nice to say. Needless to say I have been awfully quiet for a while now. Dangerously quiet, as one of my friends from high school used to say (apparently I did not have a tight rein on my temper in high school and the only way they knew to get out of the way was when I went quiet and still . . . might not have been such a bad thing except I hung out with the guys and none of them wanted to date a redhead with a temper who could kick their butts—this is why I did not date until I was in college and I am thinking I should have waited even longer).
So, when you don't gripe and b*tch about the things/people in your life who are upsetting you, what do you do? I can tell you what I have been doing. Eating chocolate and chewing my fake nails off. I have horrible nails and used to bite them until they bled. I started getting the acrylics so they would look nice and I wouldn't lose a fingernail to infection after I chewed it down to a bloody nub. Fat lot of good that did me. The last few weeks since I started the journey of keeping my mouth shut, I have chewed the acrylics off and ate 2 big bags of almond M&Ms (in addition to the pie and homemade ice cream I had last Sunday at the ice cream social at church.) To take a song out of context, I've talked to friends, I've talked to myself, I've talked to God, I prayed like he**, I tried sober I tried drinking, I've been strong and I've been weak, I've done everything to move on like I'm supposed to but I feel like I am going to explode!! How do you change who you are for the better when all you want to do is tell someone what you think about them using r-rated language (grew up around loggers and other men, I know all the words and have made up a few contexts that even they couldn't—let's just say it is second nature to fall back on *&$# when I get mad).
Here's hoping tomorrow is a better day.
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